RHSEH
by TFulghum
Summary: It's Rumplestilskin as you've never seen him before. Enjoy.


**AN: I wrote this for English class a long while back, and since technically it isn't original fiction...it's going here. So enjoy and leave a review!**

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Once upon a time, long, long ago…there lived a young woman by the name of, Sha-qua-qua. She lived with her father, Moneybagz, and unfortunately it was hard for them to make ends meet.

Well, one day, Moneybagz was out shopping at Wallith-Marte, when an odd flyer caught his eye:

_Bring the fairest maidens to my castle, so that I can choose a bride!_

_Loving you forever, your king,_

_Sheldon McBooble Hizernugen._

Moneybagz then realized he could get Sha-qua-qua to marry King Hizernugen so that _he _would no longer be poor. His elated thoughts, however, dissipated when he saw the competition: Ella, Bella, Jazella, and Ariella. So when Moneybagz and Sha-qua-qua went to the castle, Moneybagz began to embellish the truth about his daughter.

"So what can your daughter do?" King Hizernugen asked with extreme curiosity in his voice.

"She can weave gold out of straw!" Moneybagz lied.

"Pish Posh! Apple sauce!" Suddenly a man ran up with apple sauce on a gold tray. Pish Posh handed the tray to the king and ran back off. "Thank you Pish Posh! Now, your daughter cannot do as you say!"

"It's true I swear!"

"Fine then I will lock your daughter in a room filled with nothing but straw! I will then give her one day to do as you say!" Before Sha-qua-qua could detest this unlawful agreement, Hizernugen spoke, "Or the both of you shall rot in the fiery pits of…_**BARNRYLAND**_!"

"No!" They both screamed, "Not _**BARNEYLAND**_!" Dramatic music then played in the background.

And the king did just as he had promised; he locked Sha-qua-qua up ion a dungeon filled with straw.

Sha-qua-qua knew she couldn't do as her father had claimed. She began to cry and moments later she a heard a man chuckling.

"There, there child. Tell me what is wrong." She looked at him with disbelief.

"Are you my fairy godfather?" She asked.

"No girlfriend! I only have that gig on the weekends!" He bent his elfish wrist and wiggled his finger at her in shame. "Now tell me what's wrong."

So she did.

"That's terrible, but being the person that I am, I am willing to do this work for you!"

"You will?" Sha-qua-qua asked.

"Yes, but of course for a price! Something valuable!"

"Here," she said pulling off her ponytail, "have my hair extensions!"

So the little man turned all of the straw into gold. By morning the King was stunned, and sent Sha-qua-qua into a bigger room with more straw.

Again the little man appeared before Sha-qua-qua, and again he asked for a fee.

"Hmm…." She thought, "How about my fake fingernails!"

And the little man agreed. Although it brought pain to Sha-qua-qua as she ripped off each nail, it kept her and her father out of _**BARNEYLAND**_! Again by morning the kind was stunned, and he sent her into a much bigger room, with much more straw.

And again the little old man appeared before Sha-qua-qua, and again asked for a fee.

"I don't have anything else to give you!" she cried, "Although, I do have my grills." She smiled showing them.

The little man cringed in disgust. "No…no…that won't do…How about that necklace?"

"I can't it's my mother's prosthetic leg."

"Ew…why do you have that? Why do you have that on a necklace?"

"It was willed to me."

"But why is it so-?"

"She was a midget…" So the little man accepted the necklace and again made more gold.

Even after all of this, the king was still not impressed. He finally told Sha-qua-qua, "If you can turn all of this straw into gold, I will take you as my wedded wife!"

So the king again placed her into a room that was bigger than Toys-R-ith-Us!

The little man cam again knowing that this was his final visit he looked at her and asked, "What do you have for me this time?"

"Nothing!" She wept.

"Well then, how's about you give me your first-born baby you have with Hotter Nugen over there?" Sha-qua-qua solemnly agreed.

And after the king saw Sha-qua-qua's achievement he took her to be his bride.

Three years had passed and Sha-qua-qua and Hizernugen had married. Sha-qua-qua gingerly placed her first child, Razzle-dazzle, into his crib. Al of a sudden, a cloud of smoke began forming out of thin air. After the smoke cleared, the little man stood…tapping his foot.

"My child, please!"

"No, you can't have my baby! And why do you look like you came out of a rainbow!"

"Oh, but you promised. That and it's Saturday. And you look good! That hair real girlfriend?"

"But you can't have my baby I won't let you. Thanks. I work out, sadly though the hair is faux."

"Fine then, I'll give you three days to guess my name! If you guess correctly you get to keep your baby, and if you guess incorrectly your baby is mine!" and with that he disappeared.

So Sha-qua-qua sent out everybody in the castle to go out and search for the name of the little man. Two days had passed, and still the name had not been found. On the night of the second day, however, one of the guards, Shiminy Stchicket, heard a high-pitch, squeaky voice rapping.

"_Yo. Yo. I'm gonna get that baby,_

'_Cause Sha-qua-qua-qua-qu-qu-qua-qua,_

_Will never guess my name._

_I'm gonna get that baby!_

'_Cause my name is Rumplestilskin-Huffleberry-Schnigerwiden-Endoplasmic-Hifersifer!"_

Shiminy Stchicket took a good look at Rumplestilskin-Huffleberry-Schnigerwiden-Endoplasmic-Hifersifer, and noticed that the person rapping perfectly fit the queen's description. Quickly, he returned to the castle to inform the queen of this great news.

The sun had begun to rise, the next day, when Sha-qua-qua was waking Razzle-Dazzle for breakfast. Suddenly, Rumplestilskin-Huffleberry-Schnigerwiden-Endoplasmic-Hifersifer appeared.

"Have you figured out my name?" he asked.

"Yes!" she said, "Schminkle dwarf!"

"Nope!"

Pretending to look disappointed she decided to play with his head, "Well, then how about, Missy Elliot? Power Ranger? Powerpuff? Jimmy? Xemnas? Roxas? Jingle Bells? Batman Smells? Wilderfreckle-hiemerschnugget? Cheetah Girl? Shrimpy Tubashigen? Einey-Meiney-Miney-Schmo? Rumplestilskin-Huffleberry-Schnigerwiden-Endoplasmic-Hifersifer? Fudruckers? Tinkle Winkle? Baby-"

"What was that? He asked, concerned.

"Babybop?" Sha-qua-qua replied.

"Before that!"

"Tinkle Winkle?"

"BEFORE THAT!"

"Fudruckers?"

"BEFORE THAT!"

"Einey-Meiney-Miney-Schmo?"

"AFTER THAT!" He screamed.

"Oh, you mean, Rumplestilskin-Huffleberry-Schnigerwiden-Endoplasmic-Hifersifer!"

"No! HOW DID YOU FIND OUT MY NAME!?" Rumplestilskin-Huffleberry-Schnigerwiden-Endoplasmic-Hifersifer shouted.

"Not telling!" she giggled.

Rumplestilskin-Huffleberry-Schnigerwiden-Endoplasmic-Hifersifer soon began to shout and stomp his feet. Because of his consistent stomping, he fell right through the floor. He ended going to the fiery pits of…(Dun Dun Daaa!) **BARNEYLAND**!

And that was the end of Rumplestilskin-Huffleberry-Schnigerwiden-Endoplasmic-Hifersifer. And Sha-qua-qua, Razzle-Dazzle, and Sheldon McBooble Hizernugen lived happily ever after…at least until Barney came knocking on the door looking for friends…But that's an entirely different story!

_**THE END! For now at least.**_


End file.
